The Inspiration

Warning: This post is full of nonsense, no substance, and no meaning. I hope you enjoy.

How significant is all of this, our world? I’ve been struggling with this same question for a while now, and I’m still no closer to a definitive answer. The answer’s a snake, a massive python that I must find, but I’m stuck searching with my hands in a murky swamp during the night, worrying about the possibility of being bitten. It’s frustrating. I have no flashlight, and I’m not even sure I’m in the right swamp, but I have no choice but to stumble on. I find myself convincing me that my life is but a single grass blade in the largest field. Is it really necessary that I find “success” for an otherwise normal existence? Or that I am the best in what I do, when so many others have and will come before and after? I have trouble connecting my daily actions with the insight into how they are really helping me. I feel as if my time is being sold for less than its worth, and all I’ve been given are IOUs to be redeemed at a yet-to-be-determined future date. Maybe the answer to life is to understand your unimportance, and accept it. My only chance is flying from my grasp, and instead I’m oblivious that the only right I need is being stripped from my being, but it’s by my own doing, as I sit dumbfounded, distracted, anaesthetized, broken from head to toe, immersed in a viscous fluid that has me pasted to the wall that I’m only more than happy to stare at while every star, sun, rainbow, supernova, fusion, every strand of music, hair, beach, meaning, is flashing behind my head, but my eyes are so close to the wall that I can’t even make out the vague shadow of the fireworks on display behind me, I’m only obsessed with a dirt spot that’s become my love, my passion, my understanding, and my universe. I need a titan to force my head away from the wall and to turn around, but it’s impossible because I am the titan and even now I divert my energies to the spot, which is never-moving and always changing to be whatever I think I need, if only to keep me distracted long enough to destroy all things.

It’s difficult to feel significant when you spend your time walking around a city such as Paris. Miles of roads, people, and buildings stretch in every direction, and without a sense of where you are going, it can be quite easy to find yourself lost. Sometimes though, that’s exactly what a person needs, a chance to escape.

Already I can feel the change, the freedom that comes from a city where time moves on its own, and no one questions why it doesn’t move faster. I spent last Saturday exploring the city, and throughout the entire day, I accomplished nothing of importance, which meant absolutely everything. I found a book, a croissant, a jazz band under the Eiffel Tower, a lost Parisian on the metro, a police officer who knew I was hopping trains, and a lifetime of freedom and space, and not once did I think about what I needed to do or what I needed to learn.

School has started though, and once again the battle between work and life has commenced. It’s a natural tendency to feel overwhelmed when suddenly you have assignments, but I feel as if now, things are a bit less pressing. Unlike many international students, I have classes every day, which means my weekends are only the normal length. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to visit even a fraction of the places I would have liked to see, if only for time constraint. As a beginner to my travels though, I will spend the weekend in Paris, exploring and learning as I go. I only have to survive a few more simple classes until then.

The school itself is very nice. It’s located in the countryside in a very small town, but even though it’s a bit out of the way, I am excited to experience my very first fall. The trees are changing colors and the temperature is dropping, but everyone is beaming and we are alright. Drinking is heavily encouraged here, mainly due to the fact that there is no supervision on campus and nothing else to do in town, but it really does bring everyone together. I spend every waking hour socializing, and I anxiously grasp every minute I have to relax because it’s rare that I shift my gears to a lower setting.

In the upcoming weeks, I hope to visit more of Europe. Brussels, Prague, Vienna, Amsterdam, London, Luxembourg, Geneva, Munich, and Madrid are all on the list, but I don’t think I have the time for everything. Between travels and exploring my Paris, I barely have time for school.

Everyone is wonderfully beautiful here, both mentally and physically, international and French. It might be that I’m merely intoxicated with being in France, but I have not found any person that doesn’t positively contribute to my life. I’ve found friends from France, Brazil, Japan, China, England, Scotland, Sweden, Russia, Canada, and other states around the U.S. With so many nationalities in one place, a flavor distinctly different from what I’ve experienced is created. I’ve learned as many things about the French as I have about any other country, but I find that I don’t mind. Studying abroad is a brilliant opportunity for meeting the world and putting a toe in the water without fear of drowning.

I’m not sure what’s to come now that I’m settled, but I think it is unlikely that anything will slow down. If anything, I’ve found a clear lane with no roadblocks, and I’m preparing to floor the accelerator, with no intention of stopping, but only the desire to see, and to hear, and to touch as I pass by. There’s no need to fill my gas tank, since the sun, the stars, and Paris are all that I need.